We are Chalchiuhtlicue, suckler of the prickly heart, keeper of the roiling deep, warden for mothers all, and bane of the fourth world. With a fickle flip of the hand we summon forth an apocalyptic downpour, and a sweep of our flowing skirt sends jade cliffs to collapse upon the unsuspecting earth.

Two days ago, a five-year-old child threw a small orange beach ball into the Gulf of Mexico, and we will not stand for it.

Things have been hectic over in Childbirth for a while now, and these past couple of days the Department of Snowfall and Runoff has been eating up the rest of our time. The emails have been piling up in drifts, but we finally have a minute to spare, and this beach ball is way out of line.

We WILL drag it down.